Maybe I’m in the black, maybe I’m on my knees
Maybe I’m in the gap between the two trapezes
But my heart is beating and my pulses start
Cathedrals in my heart.
~ Coldplay, Every Teardrop is a Waterfall
Not long ago, there was a full solar eclipse. It was on March 20, 2015. Why do I know this? Because I was in the middle of one of the biggest changes of my life. We had left England and we were staying in Canada for a few days before taking the first flight to Costa Rica.
We were literally in the gap between one life and the next. I remember driving somewhere with my music on shuffle and hearing Coldplay singing about the gap between the two trapezes and feeling like that was exactly where I was: dangling in mid-air, hair flying, hoping beyond hope that there was going to be something there when I reached out my hand.
The last one? March 2016. How do I know that? Because we were in the middle of the final, final pack. The decision had been made that this was forever and we had to go back to the UK to deal with everything there. That particular time was, for personal reasons, one of the hardest of my life.
Athena Perrakis of Sage Goddess taught me that one of the ways to understand this eclipse is to look back at where you were during the last one.
Well, during the last two, I was in the gap; in the middle of leaping headfirst into a new life. And since then, I have spent time in some dark places and some very bright ones. I have moved through being proud of myself, afraid of where I live, ashamed of not ‘living up’ to my plans, coming to terms with what I saw as the excess light here, becoming more balanced as I found more darkness, letting go of some dreams, opening up to new ones, being lonely, being more in love with my changing husband, and finally beginning to create my business. I have faced some fears – both real and imagined – and let some things go. So much of what happened was because I was not conscious of what was happening, and looking back, I can see how much of it was actually of my own making.
So what does that tell me about this one?
Well here I sit again, in the gap between one life and the next. We are in the last months of building our house. We are about to move and finally finally unpack. Most of my things – what’s left of them anyway – have been packed since just before the last eclipse. I have just recently begun showing up daily to my writing (I’m on 24 days in a row), and I have learned to really pay attention to what is going ON, not what I think is going on.
Jason Miller wrote a great post about this eclipse. He offers a few suggestions but the one I like the best is this: “The moon and the sun are off the table, leaving a wide empty space to be filled. Fill it.”
During this eclipse, I am looking towards the next one. Where do I want to be then? I want to have healed my inner program of threat and fear. I want to have healed my inner program about being afraid of money. I want to have opened to more visibility, be writing another book, and be happy in my home. I want a labyrinth and a loving community.
I want to feel FULL; prosperous in every way.
So I’m committing today, under this eclipse, to focusing on clearing up everything that is in the way of that. To focus on building the cathedrals in my heart.
Bring on July 2, 2019. I am ready.