Browsing Tag

fear

beauty, Costa Rica, fear

Tumbled down the rabbit hole. Not sure I’ll be back. love, me.

May 18, 2015

‘It was much pleasanter at home,’ thought poor Alice, ‘when one wasn’t always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn’t gone down that rabbit-hole — and yet — and yet — it’s rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what can have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I grow up, I’ll write one.’ ~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

 

dominical meghan gengeWe’ve now been on this adventure for nearly three months. Although it had been coming for a lot longer, I am choosing to start the clock on the first day that we really stepped into the unknown; the first day we began to run on faith.

We often play the game, ‘What do you miss?’ And what always comes up – besides the people – are things that are comfortable, convenient, or easy.  As Alice said, it was pleasanter at home. But as pleasant as pleasant is, pleasant is something that just doesn’t stack up against our current state of life immersion. And this is not about being in Costa Rica. This is about listening to and then following our hearts. Taking a chance. Choosing the path that is the most full of life and knowing that one way or the other, it will all be good.

We have well and truly tumbled down the Dominical sarongs meghan gengerabbit hole. We have left the safe, the known, the pleasant, all because we followed a holy yes down the hole. Everything is topsy-turvy. Up is down, left is right. Everything is heat and colour and vibrancy and ripe, dazzling life. All of this could be (and is at times) really frightening, but there in the colourful unknown there is also magic, whimsy, enchantment, people, delight, stories, and – most importantly – faith.

Following your holy yes will not always be easy, but it will always lead to something amazing.

You just have to have faith.

 

 

xo

 

Alignment, Costa Rica, emotions, fear

When you finally decide to change your life, you’d better mean it.

April 15, 2015

“Embrace those parts of yourself that you’ve skilfully avoided until now. That’s your true adventure.”
― Gina Greenlee, Postcards and Pearls: Life Lessons from Solo Moments on the Road

 

mouse windowRight now, in front of me, I can see two Cinnamon Hummingbirds, a male Cherie’s Tanager (also a bird), two enormous Turkey Vultures, and the noisiest House Wren ever. We’ve also seen a Brown Basilisk (iguana), and lots of other small lizards, birds that might either be Toucans or Aracaris (they move too quickly to make a positive identification), and a White-Headed Parrot happily having his breakfast.

There are also dozens of beautiful butterflies and moths, and I am becoming very good at rescuing day-flying Green Urania moths from our enclosed porch. I’ve managed to get to a place where I can calm myself enough enough to get them to sit on my fingers so I can take them to the window. I love watching them go free.

I know what all of these things are because we have a book and a pair of binoculars and I am my father’s daughter. I also know what they are because they have a) kept a respectable distance and/or b) they are not scary.

We also now know what a 2m Bird Eating Snake looks like close up, and that the Spiny Pocket Mouse can climb up a rope bannister, leap off of tall buildings in a single bound, enjoys hammocks regardless of their occupants, and will climb a window screen to try to get out of a room (see photo above).

And don’t even get me started on the ants. In our bed.

When we decided to move to Costa Rica, one of the things we bought was a book on the wildlife. It all seemed rather foreign and wonderful from a distance, kind-of like the country itself. But when foreign becomes your day-to-day experience, things change. I’ve done it before – moving from Canada to the UK – but in many ways, that was a different sort of foreign.

When you decide to change your life, you have to mean it. You have to go all in. If you go in half-way, or go in not knowing if it’s something you really want, or if you are running away from something, then the dream can become lost when the little things seem hard.

In the UK and in Canada, a mouse in the house would simply mean buying a trap and getting on with things. Here, it meant trying to reason with my hysterical mind while wielding a dustpan and helping my husband try to chase it out of the open front door in the middle of the night. The same woman who two hours earlier was happily freeing butterflies, was nearly in tears saying, “I can’t do this.” But the thing about emigrating is that in time (hopefully) a mouse in the house will just be a mouse.

Perspective. Timing. Fatigue levels. It all adds up. Every problem is as big as you allow it to be.

We’ve chosen this life. All of it. And for every 91 degree day, there’s body surfing in the sea. For every loss of comfort, there is the most delicious avocado ever (and I do mean ever). For every Spiny Pocket Mouse, there is a Blue Morpho.

Just like being in love, changing your life requires daily decisions. And maintaining perspective.

And hopefully, eventually, I will even be okay with the ants.

xo

 

 

Costa Rica, fear, The Move

There is no such thing as a leap of faith.

March 23, 2015

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. – Harold Whitman

 

IMG_0522If there is such a thing as a leap of faith, right now we are in the air: legs dangling, hair flying, eyes wide, hoping for a soft place to land.

To be honest, a single leap of faith would be a lot easier than this.

Changing your life – really changing it – requires more than a single leap.

It actually requires leaping – a little or a lot – every single day.

This started with us making much smaller decisions to change our lives. We changed our diet when I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. At the time, that was a leap.

That decision led to us eating better and better and better. Each time was a little leap.

When we first let in the little inkling of the dream of moving? For us at the time, that was a leap.

When we made the decision? Leap.

When I quit my job, when we told our families, when we bought the tickets? Leap, leap and leap.

When we began deciding what to take and what to get rid of? Lots of little leaps.

When we packed our crate, our house, our bags? Leaps.

In the moments when we looked at each other and said, “What the hell are we doing?” (Many, many, times.) Big leaps.

And tomorrow at 11.25 when we finally take off? Leap.

And they won’t stop – because every decision, every choice, every time we do anything that takes us out of our comfort zone – that’s another leap.

My point? That every day we have a choice to make: the easy way, or the way that will take us closer to what we want. Every difficult choice is a choice that will take you closer to another. Every one is a leap of faith.

Leaps are relative. And they never end. Each one leads to another.

You can’t rush the process or see the way they will lead you. You can’t see how they will work out or whether or not it was the right choice. You can’t wish things sooner or ever know the outcome.

All you can do is leap.

😉

xo

 

 


 

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