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Living in a Land of Butterflies and Pancakes

June 4, 2015

“If the only prayer you say in your whole life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” ~ Meister Eckhart

pancakes meghan genge The day-before-yesterday wasn’t fun. Well, it started out fun, but in the middle it was truly disgusting and smelly and darn right mouldy.

But I’m not going to tell you that story.

Some days here have been easier than others. There have been lots of non-human house invaders, personal challenges, and even a week of gastroenteritis. (For two people and one bathroom without walls, that was a real adventure!)

But I’m not going to tell you that story either.

We have left the known and landed in a world of the unknown. Every day something requires us to pay attention. And you know, it would be so easy to get lost in the hard.

I know someone who is lost in the hard. They believe that life is hard, that it is never going to go their way, and that the universe is out to get them. I know they believe this because they say it all out loud every single time I talk to them. They have said it so much that they actually can’t see all of the blessings that are in their life.

That is their story.

In the past when I have been focusing on the positive, the light, or the hope, I have attracted people who seemed to think that it would help me if they gave me ‘practical’ advice. They have seen my choice to see the positive side as proof that I am being naive or that I haven’t thought things through. They have felt the need to manage my expectations, or tell me the facts, or in some way bring me back to reality.

The reality is that I am now a fully-fledged grown-up. A grown-up who has a choice.

The day-before-yesterday wasn’t fun. But yesterday was.

Let me tell you that story!

Yesterday started with home-made chocolate chip pancakes. Yesterday held a two-hour laugh-filled conversation over the magical waves with a soul-sister. Yesterday had a storm that shook our house, and a hummingbird that hovered just outside of our window, staring at us eye-to-eye for a full minute. Yesterday held howler monkeys and the smell of a damp tropical jungle. Yesterday had butterflies.

I may not tell you the whole story about our life here, but I will tell you the story of our magical adventure. Because I believe that the more I tell any story, the truer it becomes.

So please don’t think I don’t see the mould or the dark or the hard, because believe me, I do. But when it comes down to it, we all have a choice in what story we tell. You can choose to see whatever you want to see. And my practice – every day – is in choosing to find the blessings.

So yes, it is sunny in my world. It’s rainy too. And it’s magical and intense and my ability to wonder is going into overdrive.

In my story, I live in a land of butterflies and pancakes.

And I’m good with that.

Brave, emerge, fear, light, Quotes, Word of the Year

Word for 2012: Emerge

December 30, 2011

“I feel my boots trying to leave the ground, I feel my heart pumping hard. I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing, as though I had wings.” – Mary Oliver

“Are you still writing?”

I hadn’t spoken to him in 10 years, but in the 3 minutes we spent on the phone, he asked if I was still writing.

“A little,” I said.

A little?

I still can’t do it. I still feel apologetic when I talk about writing.

Then someone I loved asked me if I actually wanted to be a writer… after all, I don’t act like one.

Do I? Do I want to be a writer? Do I love writing? No. I love words. I love words that when strung together have the power to create inspiration and connection. I love what is possible when you write.

The truth will be evident to anyone who really knows me or who reads this blog occasionally.

The truth is that writing scares me, but it is actually bigger than that:

I scare me.

I can’t just sit down and write for the sake of writing. I could never paint for the sake of painting or cook for the sake of cooking or tidy for the sake of tidying, or exercise for the sake of simply moving my body. In the past, everything with me has had to be a production, the creation of something wonderful or be in some way A BIG DEAL.

So it is no surprise that I just stopped trying. Grown-up life just didn’t have the fireworks that I craved, and feeling that electric every day with no return just creates disappointment. Then, forgetting that I had given up shooting for the moon, I went through hell trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why I wasn’t living up to my own perceived potential.

That’s where 2012 comes in.

Marianne Williamson said: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

It is my light that most frightens me, but I have spent years focusing instead on the darkness.

2012 is about focusing on the light. Period. But instead of giving myself more pressure to be, do and feel all at once, 2012 is about emerging.

Emerge for me is traveling the distance between the dark and the light, choosing to step closer to one and farther away from the other. It’s made up of one choice, one step, one feeling at a time and being patient if those movements take a little while.

I am capable of miracles. I am capable of magic.

…and blinking, I step closer to the light.

Image and Sculpture by Paige Bradley

inspiring women, light, love

seeing through

March 26, 2010

“Nothing and everything cannot coexist. To believe in one is to deny the other. Fear is really nothing and love is everything. Whenever light enters darkness, the darkness is abolished.” – Dr. Helen Schucman

The strangest thing happened to me yesterday. I have tried to write about it a couple of times, but I can’t explain it without it sounding weird. I was walking through the city and had an overwhelming sensation of greyness. It was like a curtain was pulled back and for a few minutes I could feel what everyone around me was feeling. A woman walked by me biting her lip, and I felt such sadness coming out of her, I almost cried. I’ve had sensations of knowing what other people were feeling before, but never a whole city at a time! I was shaking with sorrow by the time I got to my doctor’s appointment.

Then, in the waiting room I saw Patricia. She walked in like a beam of light. With long blonde and white hair, a cream-coloured cape slung over both shoulders, and the most peaceful face I had ever seen, I couldn’t stop looking at her. She sat down and pulled out a Harry Potter book, smiling to herself as she read. Her energy soothed me from across the room. It was mesmerizing. I was going to be brave and get up to meet her, but before I could get up the courage, the nurse poked her head out of the door and called her name. Patricia. She smiled widely at the nurse, said a hearty hello, and was gone.

I feel like a bit of a stalker writing these words, but the effect that this woman’s energy had on me was startling. I had felt such deep sorrow in the minutes before seeing her, the effect of such positive energy was like a jolt of caffeine to the system. She felt powerful and angelic to me, and I wanted more – not more of her, I’m not that much of a stalker – but more of it for myself. I wanted to know whatever she knew that caused her to fill the room with light. And I want to remember so that I can always find my way when things get grey.

Thank you Patricia, wherever you are. Thank you for showing me the way through.

Living in a Land of Butterflies and Pancakes

“If the only prayer you say in your whole life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” ~ Meister Eckhart

Word for 2012: Emerge

“I feel my boots trying to leave the ground, I feel my heart pumping hard. I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing, as though I had wings.” – Mary Oliver

seeing through

“Nothing and everything cannot coexist. To believe in one is to deny the other. Fear is really nothing and love is everything. Whenever light enters darkness, the darkness is abolished.” – Dr. Helen Schucman

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