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Becoming Visible

Alignment, Becoming Visible, I AM, Sacred Feminine

I Am

October 7, 2014

Now, in a shift of light, the shadows of birds are more pronounced on the gallery’s white wall. The shadow of each bird is speaking to me. Each shadow doubles the velocity, ferocity of forms. The shadow, my shadow now merges with theirs. Descension. Ascension. The velocity of wings creates the whisper to awaken….

I want to feel both the beauty and the pain of the age we are living in. I want to survive my life without becoming numb. I want to speak and comprehend words of wounding without having these words become the landscape where I dwell. I want to possess a light touch that can elevate darkness to the realm of stars.

– Terry Tempest Williams, When Women Were Birds

 

ArnosValeLightMeghanGenge

In yesterday’s post I talked about archetypes and God, witches and the divine feminine. I claimed back a little piece of who I am. I’ve done this many many many times before: claiming back a little bit of myself each time.

The trouble is, each time I claim a little bit back, I can see how much bigger, braver, bolder and more magical I could be. Each time I try to write a bio, or choose my ‘thing’, I am given a glimpse of who/ what/ how else I could be.

I read somewhere that, “I am” is the most powerful affirmation. I read somewhere else that it is the most powerful spell. It’s also is part of a common English translation of the answer God gave when Moses asked for his name: “I Am that I Am”, he answered. (Hebrew Bible, Exodus 3:14)

So “I am…” is actually the most powerful invocation of all.

And very worthy of our respect.

Last week we went on an adventure to Arnos Vale Cemetery in Bristol. I don’t know very much of its story, but much of the cemetery is overgrown, many of the graves crumbling or falling down, lost or being lost to the trees and vines. It is a place where you cannot help but be reminded of your own mortality and of the complete impermanence of anything physical.

ARNOSVALEMEGHANGENGE

This brings me back – pulling all of the cliches around me – to the eternal question: who am I? I guess at this stage my answer is simple: I have no idea who I am. I am so much bigger, bolder, and more magical – more divine – than I can possibly imagine. Anything I can dream of and for myself isn’t big enough to match the possibility of me. I am a brief moment in time, a sparkle in my parents’ eye, and an eternity.

I am an embodied soul: a little bit of God, having a human experience.

Just imagine the possibilities!

“I am larger, better than I thought, I did not know I held so much goodness.” – Walt Whitman

 

(This is the second of three ‘coming out’ posts that will be coming out this week. Here is the first one. I’m making some changes around here. Stay tuned!)

Becoming Visible, fear

Have Tissues, Want to Travel

November 5, 2013

“It’s too bad that so much time has been wasted, but it would be unforgivable to wait any longer. You have the ability to contribute so much. We need you, now.” – Seth Godin, The Icarus Deception

Not to be moved meghan genge

It happens every time.

Every. Time.

And I have done enough self-inquiry to know that there is more to this than bad luck.

Every time I start to move forward I get sick or damaged in some way; it’s always just enough to make forward movement much more difficult, if not temporarily impossible.

Yoga has the swiftest reaction. Just 5 days of yoga can bring on any number of disgusting ailments. And yes, I know that it’s because I am shifting stuff – what I need now is to know how to shift stuff without it turning into snot.

I know that a lot of this has to do with protection. But I also know that I am capable of so much. That I am ready to do so much. That I don’t need to protect myself any more.  I need to find a way to tell my deep-inside control panel that it is safe for me to step out and be big.

I need to know deep deep down that it safe for me to move. And I want to do it without the need for kleenex.

Because for me, right now, movement is non-negotiable.

xo

 

 

 

Becoming Visible, Brave, emerge, fear

Afraid of My Light

October 8, 2013

“It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” – Marianne Williamson

towardthelightmeghangenge

My green-eyed monster reared its ugly head today. Instead of seething in a soup of jealousy, I got very still, closed my eyes, and asked it what it wanted.  It turned out that inside of my head was a small green gremlin, jumping up and down shouting, “See me too! See me too!”

When I sat with it and cuddled it and tried to understand it, it disappeared. In its place was a very small soul. Looking out at me through tangled hair, it was huddled in a dark corner. The message coming from it was very different. The message coming from it was, “It’s not safe to be seen.”

No matter how long I sat there and tried to visualise it uncurling and coming out of hiding, it wouldn’t budge. This is a very deep, very old piece – possibly even older than I am – and like approaching a frightened animal, I know I need to take it slowly. I need to move a little closer to it every day; gain its trust before it will allow me in.

I share this today because the more I get to know myself and the more time I spend with other women, the more I understand that we are desperately afraid of ourselves. We are afraid to want. Afraid to be big. Afraid to be loud. Afraid to take up space. Afraid to be seen.

We are afraid of our light.

But we want those things just as much. We want to be seen. We want to stretch out to our edges. We want to be lit up from the inside so that we can shine that light outwards.

And the world needs that light. So badly.

So I told that little soul that I would be back. Every day. And together we would figure it out  – until we both felt safe being seen. I committed to this because I know that every time one of us heals – even just a little – we shine a little brighter, and that light can help others do the same.

What will it take to shine your light?

xo