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90 Days of Showing Up

July 28, 2017

Warning: there’s a bit of swearing in this one. ūüėČ

”I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I‚Äôm not screwing around. It‚Äôs time.” ~ Brene Brown


I’ve always been the girl with the plan. If I wanted to write a book or lose weight or start exercising or learn something, I would sit down and figure out where I wanted to be, then work backwards. If you were to open any past planner of mine, you would find at least one countdown on those pages.

But I never got there.

I never got to the end of the countdown with success. I never ended at my goal weight, I never wrote 50,000 words in a month and I never got to ten push-ups.


I think for four reasons:

  1. I’ve always been a bit rebellious and my ‘screwyouiwon’tdowhatyoutellme’ notion sadly even works on self-imposed rules.
  2. I was getting something out of staying where I was. If I never got there, I wouldn’t have to see what there meant.
  3. I bought whole-heartedly into the notion of ‘be gentle with yourself.’ But instead of doing that, I used it as an excuse to not show up if I didn’t feel like it or if I was tired or if or if or if…

And that’s all crap. Yep, all just excuses.

Yesterday I did a long guided meditation in which I asked my guides for the answer to a question. There is some stuff I want to clear, and this seemed like as good an idea as any. I went in, I sat at the feet of a guide, and I asked my question. The answer?

“Stop fucking around and show up.”

Not your usual answer, but I took it, mostly because I’ve been getting the same answer for weeks in my writing and my course creation and my journalling: just show up.

Over the past twenty-four hours, I have read the other part of that phrase four different times in four different places: stop fucking around.

Those words? Five times in two days? Really?

Today I counted – because that is what I do – and I realised that it is 90 days until my birthday. And within those 90 days, we will be moving into our house. Usually that would have me making a Plan and writing a goal in my diary.

But not today. Today I am admitting that that doesn’t work, and instead I am going to stop fucking around and just show up at the page. Every day. No matter what. No matter how I feel or where I have to go or what I have to do. Everything counts. This matters. My work matters.

I matter.

90 days of showing up. 90 days until my birthday. 90 days.

I can count that down.

It’s a good Plan.




A Question of Prosperity

August 25, 2015

This morning as I was scrolling through my feed on BlogLovin, I came across this interview with Pixie Lighthorse on Annapurna Living. When asked about how she starts her day, Pixie says a lot of really wonderful things, but the thing that really struck¬†me was when she said, “I ask myself what I will need to feel successful during the day…”.

Now that in itself is a whole pile of wonderful, but in MY head as I mulled them over, the words changed almost immediately to: I ask myself what I will need to feel prosperous during the day.

Prosperous. That was where my mind went. That was the question it wanted me to think about.

What do I need to feel prosperous today?

It is a very strange thing to walk away from a paycheck and sell nearly all of your stuff and then to want to think about prosperity. I used to feel that prosperity was all about being able to buy what I wanted whenever I wanted, or to be able to go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But as we build our life from the ground up, the question of what kind of life we want to lead is divinely tied to the question of our prosperity.

The word prosperity can trigger all kinds of fears and worries and old stories about money, but if you look up prosperity in the dictionary, along with the money words, you get words like: flourishing, well-being, thriving, rich, full, comfort, and plenty. Those words are the words on which I would like to build my life.

And so right now, as the toucan is singing outside of my window, and the rain is beginning to fall, I ask myself these questions:

How can I feel rich and full today? What can I do to ensure I flourish and thrive? Where is there already prosperity in my life?

Instead of bringing up old money stuff, these questions make me smile and they make me think, and I can feel my perspective and my realm of possibility getting wider and bigger. With these words in mind, the answers can come from anywhere. With these questions in mind, anything is possible.

What do you need to feel prosperous today?




Alignment, Costa Rica, light

Living in a Land of Butterflies and Pancakes

June 4, 2015

“If the only prayer you say in your whole life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” ¬†~¬†Meister Eckhart


pancakes meghan gengeThe day-before-yesterday¬†wasn’t fun. Well, it started out fun, but in the middle it was¬†truly disgusting and smelly and darn right mouldy.

But I’m not going to tell you that story.

Some days here have been easier than others. There have been lots of non-human house invaders, personal challenges, and even a week of gastroenteritis. (For two people and one bathroom without walls, that was a real adventure!)

But I’m not going to tell you that story either.

We have left the known and landed in a world of the unknown. Every day something requires us to pay attention. And you know, it would be so easy to get lost in the hard.

I know someone who is lost in the hard. They believe that life is hard, that it is never going to go their way, and that the universe is out to get them. I know they believe this because they say it all out loud every single time I talk to them. They have said it so much that they actually can’t see all of the blessings that are in their life.

That is their story.

In the past when I have been focusing on the positive, the light, or the hope, I have attracted people who seemed to think that it would help me if they gave me ‘practical’ advice. They have seen my choice to see the positive side¬†as¬†proof that I am being naive or that I haven’t thought things through. They have felt the need to manage my expectations, or tell me the facts, or in some way bring me back to reality.

The reality is that I am now a fully-fledged grown-up. A grown-up who has a choice.

The day-before-yesterday wasn’t fun. But yesterday was.

Let me tell you that story!

Yesterday started with home-made chocolate chip pancakes. Yesterday held a two-hour laugh-filled conversation over the magical waves with a soul-sister. Yesterday had a storm that shook our house, and a hummingbird that hovered just outside of our window, staring at us eye-to-eye for a full minute. Yesterday held howler monkeys and the smell of a damp tropical jungle. Yesterday had butterflies.

I may not tell you the whole story about our life here, but I will tell you the story of our magical adventure. Because I believe that the more I tell any story, the truer it becomes.

So please don’t think I don’t see the mould or the dark or the hard, because believe me, I do. But when it comes down to it, we all have a choice in¬†what story we tell. You can choose to see whatever you want to see. And my practice – every day – is in choosing¬†to find the blessings.

So yes, it is sunny in my world. It’s rainy too. And it’s magical and intense and my ability to wonder is going into overdrive.

In my story, I live in a land of butterflies and pancakes.

And I’m good with that.