I am a writer, a seeker and a finder of magic.
I lead courses and retreats for women who are looking to bring more spirit, connection and Magic* into their lives.
I am also the author of the inspirational novel Unfurl.
In 2015 my husband and I took an enormous leap of faith and moved to the southern zone of Costa Rica. We sold 90% of our stuff, shipped the rest, and we are now consciously building a life literally from the ground up. We both believe that anything we can dream is too small for us. So we are going to follow the magic and see what happens.
We have found our piece of land and in 2017 we will begin building a home there. The biggest part of the plan is an enormous deck, a wonderful dining table, and a place where creative souls can come and be replenished and healed. I hope that you will enjoy reading about our adventure.
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Hello you… yes, you.
I see you sitting over there with your big heart and your not-coming-quickly-enough dreams.
I feel you over there with your oracle decks and your pile of books; your favourite mug and the crystals in your bra.
I hear you over there with your whispered prayers and your questions and your silent tears.
I know that you believe in more, know more, want more.
I know that you get fired up and say that “this time…”, and I know that you feel low and say, “next time.”
I know that you are a wonder-er and a hope-er and a candle lighter and a mantra dabbler.
I know that you long for the sparkling brightness and sometimes even the rich darkness of those women whose lives you see playing out on line. You wonder if you in your day-to-day life will ever get there and you feel guilty for not loving the there that you have.
I know that you wish with all of your heart that someone would just show you the way.
I know you because I am you. You are not alone.
We are not alone.
So this is a call for the seekers. It is a call for the questioners, the delighters, the incense-burners, the wishers, the book lovers, the pray-ers, the open-heart-ers, the quiet dreamers, the oracle-card-readers, the word spinners, the secret lifers, the nature whisperers, the light-bringers, the only-when-i-get-a-moment-to-myself mystics, the magic-collectors, the beauty bringers, the creators, the makers, the star gazers, the moon phasers and the believers.
I know you. I see you. I would love to connect with you. Let’s find Magic together.
*Me and Magic: a love story
When I was born my Dad was the Director of a summer camp in Canada. This means that for the first 6 years of my life, the Sacred/ God/ the Mystery/ More/ Source/ the Universe/ the Divine (choose your own adventure) was totally there in me and the trees and the campfires and the stories and the fun and the people and the magic and the connection with everyone I loved.
It took me 30 years to realise that I had been searching for that connection ever since.
Growing up I was always the girl with the plan. I had high – and I mean HIGH – expectations for everything. I wanted sparkles and wonder and the biggest, most delicious piece – not because I was greedy, but because I was selfish and wanted more good stuff. I learned to tame it down, be good, pretend to not want more, and share the piece with the most icing.
And then several terrible things happened over the course of four years and the sadness and pain and guilt and disappointment and just plain old loss derailed me and all of my plans. Suddenly none of it seemed to matter anymore.
I could no longer see my path, and worse than that, I felt like an alien. Everyone else seemed to know what they were doing and where they were going, and I no longer had any idea. Not only that, but nobody else seemed to see that there must be more to this life thing than we were living. I was desperately lost, so I ran away. I bought a one-way plane ticket to England.
And over the next few (ha! many) years, I remained lost and always searching for something. I waitressed, I cleaned, I scooped ice cream, I drank a ridiculous amount, I worked as a pioneer, and at an Outdoor Centre and as the ‘stop and slow’ person for a roads crew. Eventually I got my Bachelor of Education and started teaching, but I hated it and stopped.
In those years I happily also found true love, got married and wrote a book. And so I also felt guilty because I had so much goodness in my life, how could I still be searching for something?
After leaving teaching, I worked my way up in a charity that protects historic places, finally getting a job as the Manager for an enormous historic house. We lived on site in a rose covered cottage. I managed a huge group of staff and volunteers and worked hard at both making the experience of visiting the house a magical one and turning the team into a connected and caring and amazing community.
I should have been ridiculously happy – it was a dream job and a dream team and a dream cottage. In fact, If you believe in childhood dreams, I was actually spending my days in a place just like an enchanted castle! I was also making friends and dabbling in magical thinking and believing in miracles…
But I wasn’t happy. I felt guilty for not being happy. And if that life didn’t make me happy… would anything??
And then something truly magical happened.
I always knew that my Grandmother had come from somewhere near Bristol, in England. When my parents were coming from Canada to visit me in my new house and my new job, my Dad went to visit his Aunt to see if she had any more information about where his Mom had lived as a girl.
When he asked, she said, “Well, can’t remember very much, but I remember that the closest village was Failand…” And later she remembered “being taught by the Lord’s daughter in a room full of books.”
When I heard this I swore – very loudly – and it took me more than a few minutes to process the impossibility.
Not only had my Grandmother once lived on the estate of the house I was now managing, she had actually been inside the house.
What were the odds of that happening? How does that happen in real life? What did this mean?
I went in to work really early the next morning and sat on the floor of the Library for a long long time. The next week I walked through the estate to the place where she might have lived. As I sat on the stone foundation I could feel something inside of me letting go: deep in my bones I realized that I would never know what it meant, or how it had happened. But that didn’t make it any less wonderful.
It was evidence of something so much bigger than me. It was simply the Mystery at work. It was evidence of Magic. And all I could do was be grateful for the wonder. That feeling of the Sacred/ God/ the Mystery/ More/ the Universe/ the Divine just being there – all around me in all things, all of the time – came back. I had been searching for something that had been there all the time.
And from that day on I began to open to that Magic. I began following nudges, allowing the miracles, and participating in the wonder.
I stopped searching and started seeing.
I stopped trying to figure out where I was going and I stopped waiting to be thin enough or rich enough or or strong enough or brave enough or cute enough or for things to be good enough or for me to be ready enough and I just went with it.
And a few years later, I was more than ready for the biggest nudge of all when we followed the magic to Costa Rica.
And now? I don’t know, I don’t know what’s coming next, but I do know that the Mystery/ God/ the Universe/ the Divine/ Spirit/ the Sacred (choose your own adventure) is totally there in me and the trees and the ocean and the people around me and the life we are building. My only job is to see it, participate in it and wonder at it.
It’s not always easy or fun or straightforward. In fact sometimes it is hard and complicated and sad, and it certainly isn’t a fairy tale, but every time I open up and participate in it, it is Magic.
Top photo of me by Susannah Conway.