How Big is Your Brave?

Apr 22, 2014 by

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live/ Maybe one of these days you can let the light in/ Show me how big your brave is – Sara Bareilles

 

elephant in the sky meghan gengeSeven years. That is how long it has been since I finished the first draft of Unfurl. Seven years. Some people would say that my entire skeleton has regenerated in that time.

Why has it taken so long?

Because I listened to what ‘they’ told me about needing an agent and a traditional publisher. Because I lost a little more momentum with every rejection letter I received. Because I spent a month researching what other people felt was the best self-publishing platform. Because because because.

It’s been seven years because I was afraid.

The Who-Do-You-Think-You-Are gremlins set up a tea party in my head and invited their good friends: Not-Good-Enough and Not-Really-A-Writer. There was also a healthy side order of me not wanting to ‘out’ myself as a spiritual writer (Who-Do-You-Think-You-Are’ also hosted this party). This will be hilarious to anyone who has read one word of my blog during this time.

And then one day the fear of never publishing this book was bigger than the fear tea party. So I got brave and just took the leap.

If you could have seen my brave that day, it was the size of an elephant – a big one – and it had a wolf and a dragon and a black jaguar and a red fox and a couple of angels, a tribe, and a few ancestors beside it.  I was a whole team of brave.

I still don’t know exactly how it is going to go, but I do know that no matter what else happens, I have published my book. It’s out in the world. That is something I can always be proud of. That, and how brave I was to do it.

So tell me: what is your dream? What has been waiting to come through you?

How big is your brave?

xo

 

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Letting Go

Apr 19, 2014 by

“Ask yourself which fear is stronger. What are you more afraid of: changing, or staying how you are now?”

 

Unfurl resultsJust inside of my book, there is a note from me. It states that when I was writing Unfurl, I had the strangest feeling that I was writing it for someone specific. It didn’t feel like it was mine. It felt like it also belonged to the person I was writing it for. There are even parts of the book that I don’t remember writing.

When I finally let go of chasing the traditional publishing route and decided to self-publish, things began to flow so quickly and easily that I couldn’t believe I had wasted so much time waiting. I started to beat myself up with guilt and shame and then I remembered with a bump that everything happens in its own time.

Maybe I wasn’t ready to hold space for this book. Maybe the person for whom I was writing wasn’t ready to read it. Maybe the world wasn’t ready for it. Maybe, just maybe, it wanted to be born on the day of the Blood Moon (it was – but I didn’t do it on purpose).

So I tried very hard to let go. When I released Unfurl to the world, all I asked was that it go directly from my heart to the heart of anyone who needed to hear what it has to say.  I hoped that it would find its readers, and in doing that would find its Reader. I hoped that in some small way my words would inspire someone else to follow their dreams and for them to bring light into the world.

Big dreams for a small book, I know!

I thought I had let go, but as I hadn’t told my brother about it yet, I wanted to hold on until he’d seen it – and it wasn’t supposed to be available for 5 – 7 days. I tried to control that. Then I put one sneaky shot on Instagram and I lost control – in the best possible way!

And then something even better happened!

Friends, family, friends of friends and family, people I haven’t seen or talked to in YEARS, and women who I have connected deeply with but never actually met in person, bought it. They bought it. They talked about it. With no advertising or launch (mostly because it happened a week earlier than I thought it would) with freebies or hoopla of any kind, it reached the top 5 in ‘Hot New Releases in Metaphysical’ writing category. Now I know Metaphysical writing is a tough category ;)  - but it is amazing because Love put it there. Love and connection and friendship and kinship.

And that is all I ever wanted.

So I am now really letting go; I got the message the second time. Unfurl is free to do what it wants to do. It is free to find the hearts it needs to find. I wish it nothing but love.

And if you bought a copy? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Unfurl is Released!

Apr 16, 2014 by

“There isn’t any such thing as an ordinary life.” – L.M. Montgomery, Emily Climbs

 

frontcovermeghangengeunfurl

I am so excited to share my novel with you. It was released yesterday!

I made the decision about 6 weeks ago to self-publish. Last night I went onto the Createspace website and hit the ‘Publish My Book’ button. (What a great button!) It told me that it would be 5 – 7 days before it went live on Amazon’s sites. This morning I put a sneaky photo on Instagram and discovered 10 minutes later that it was already available to buy!

Unfurl is a novel about magic and food and baggage and connection. It is about looking at yourself and the stories that hold you back. Best described by one reader as Eat, Pray, Love meets The AlchemistUnfurl was initially written as my response to Sue Monk Kidd’s comment about women being the largest untapped resource on the planet. Fed stories of unworthiness and fear, shame and guilt, many women believe that they are powerless. This book is my attempt to give contemporary women a new story to believe in. A modern heroine’s journey with a dose of sacred magic, Unfurl is the story of what happens when you dare to ask for more.

I’ve got all of the chapters recorded, so I will be releasing an audio version in the coming weeks, but in the meantime if you are interested and would like to buy a book, if you are in North America, go here. If you are in the UK go here.  (Please ignore the temporarily out of stock message – it’s only because they are printing them on demand – please, demand!) If you are anywhere else and it’s on your Amazon site, please let me know the link!

Updated: It’s being converted to Kindle as we speak and should be on there by or before the 29th.

If you want to hear the first chapter, you can also go here.

This is the result of many years of writing and dreaming – I have to tell you, it feels amazing.

xo

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My Wild Grandmothers

Feb 2, 2014 by

The breaking of the bond between a woman and her wildish nature is often misunderstood as the intuition itself being broken.  This is not the fact.  It is not intuition which is broken, but rather the matrilineal blessing on intuition, the handing down of intuitive reliance between a woman and all females of her lines who have gone before her – it is that long river of women that has been dammed. ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes  

mama lion meghan genge

Lineage. Matrilineal lines. Ancestors. Those words have been finding me a lot lately. I admit that I haven’t been paying attention to their call.

Then I read this quote this morning on Ronna Detrick’s site and looked it up in my own battered copy of Women Who Run with the Wolves. Sure enough, I had underlined it. The colour of the line tells me that it first attracted me back in 2003.

I missed my Great Grandmothers even then.

I’m lucky. My relationship with my Mom and my Grandmothers is and was very good. But it occurs to me as I write this, that they never really told me stories about their Grandmothers. I have heard a few, but it doesn’t take very long even for my Oma – who, though in her 90s still remembers everything - to run out of stories about the women who came before. My Mother’s family immigrated to Canada when she was three. She never knew her Grandmothers, so neither do I. Their stories were not passed on.

But I know it goes deeper than that. There is a reason that women’s stories stopped being told.

This post and I have spent several hours together as I waited for inspiration on how to end it. I wanted some great stroke of insight that would tell me where to go next, but the truth is that I don’t know. Part of me wants to simply hit delete. But there is a knowing deep in my core that is telling me to sit with these questions. To put them down and sit with them and then listen for the next steps.

And so I will.

xo

 

 

 

 

 

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Letting Go of Red Alert

Jan 21, 2014 by

“Temperamentally anxious people can have a hard time staying motivated, period, because their intense focus on their worries distracts them from their goals.” ― Winifred Gallagher

Caution web

I have a slightly skewed superpower: when I look at any situation, I can see the conclusion. What makes my power skewed is that I can’t see the actual conclusion.  Instead I can see the worst possible conclusion; what could happen if I don’t do something like lock the door, do the risk assessment, buy travel insurance or go somewhere without first looking it all up on the internet.

I know that there are wonderful blessings from this power. I always – always – have the paperwork/ number/ list/ pen. I have flying down to a fine art, and I always have a plan. This has made me soar up the ranks in my career, and I can see how to use my power for good.

But for some reason when it comes to my dreams, this power holds me back.

You see, being able to see the worst means that I have been operating in a perpetual state of red alert. My husband only half-jokingly occasionally calls me a squirrel. That’s me: constantly preparing for winter. Running around, buying three of the things I like just in case I can’t find them again. Getting up to check if the door is locked. Knowing what could happen if I leap. I don’t look excitedly towards the fulfilment of my dreams, I worry about what will happen if they come true. If I stopped typing right now and focused on my body, I guarantee you my shoulders would be up around my ears and my stomach would be in a knot.

My soldiers are always at their battle stations.

But I have chosen align as my focus for 2014, and when I am standing on a beach in Costa Rica, I do not want to be worrying whether or not I have worn the right SPF. It’s time to use my power for good. Instead of believing the worst that could happen, I am choosing to let go of red alert. I am choosing to release the tightness in my belly. I am letting go of the story I tell myself of having to control everything in order to be safe. I am choosing to decide for myself how I will react. Red alert will no longer be my operating procedure, but a signal that it is time to pause, breathe and make a conscious decision. It’s time to remember that a) I am a grown-up now, b) I am always safe and c) I’ve got this.

So thank you to Red Alert. Thank you for all of the gifts you have given me. But I am ready now to stop letting you rule my life. Thank you, but I’m letting you go.

xo

 

letitgo_badgeThis post is part of the Let it Go Project: a collection of stories leading up to a beautiful releasing ritual, hosted by Sas Petherick on the 30th of January. All the details for this free event are here. And you can take part! Be inspired by other posts in this project, and share what you are ready to let of of on the Let it Go Project Community Page!

 

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